I am alive. The whole of my body shivers at the anticipation of the next breeze wafting across my already goosebump-riddled skin. All around me I see a perfect, clear sky… I feel grass shimmering next to my ears and arms. I smell the aroma of mountain flowers and pine trees. Is this paradise? Am […]

my insides hurt. why do people not realize what they do?
i did get a raise today.. so at least something good happened.

Bart lies unhappily in bed. “How can I get her to notice me?” Laura opens Bart’s bedroom window. “Meet me at the treehouse, Bart. And come alone.” She vanishes. Bart swallows hard.
…
Bart paces nervousely in the treehouse, then turns around to see Laura in a heart-stopping red dress. She explains, […]

i really hate people. i really hate how people affect me and i really hate the fact that i can’t do it back. i really hate the shirt i am wearing and i really hate being on the computer. i really hate you as well.

i have decided to stop using aim.. it’s just too much to deal with. i also haven’t reinstalled icq since i reinstalled windows a few weeks ago, and i don’t intend to, but may be forced to for business reasons.. i just don’t feel like waiting all day for someone to reply, as if i […]

i woke up this morning feeling odd. i’ve had a lot on my mind lately, evaluating life and the choices i have made as of late and wondering what lies ahead. there’s no direction, no driving force, no goals. no greater need or desire guiding my decisions and actions. i just more or less avoid […]

so how’s life? i dunno.. i feel weird. i feel like life no longer matters. i talk to 2 people and neither are real. life is hose. there’s a pill over there with yellow pants on and it calls me a slut behind my back. my monitor flashes pink and shakes, and i can’t read […]

it’s been days, or maybe weeks, since i’ve spoken to cj joanna floris mom dad sister brother aunt uncle cousin nephew neice. i feel truly alone in the world and it’s of my own doing. alas i cannot bear to speak to any of them, becuz they don’t say the things i want to hear […]

i feel like utter shit. i am not going to be talking to much of anyone for a while. i sincerely tried to resist this slump but people are assholes and i just want to die. i am hollow. i have nothing left. my heart is a billion miles away. i have nothing left to […]

went a little too far with the <bleep>…

1:00 AM. my head is filled with thoughts of love and happiness and how they’ve eluded me this final time as i drive home from seeing bobbi. i think about the past month, the past 6 months, and everything that has happened. the trip to holland. rediscovering bobbi and feelings thought to be lost long […]

are bleak today. i realize bobbi has no feelings whatsoever for me and never will. i should have realized this long ago since she more or less told me that. but i held out hope, and even entertained the thought that something might happen, becuz on the nights we went out, becuz i was so […]

since people have lost interest, or have been tricked, i feel safe in posting more relevant topics.

for the next month (possibly shorter) i will not go out anywhere aside from work and lunch, and of course this weekend with bobbi.
also, i am not going to be talking to anyone on the phone or online. i’ll […]

some of you have been getting emails from me lately. like tonight. read them carefully.

she doesn’t care..
my life is nothing like the lives of those on TV. when i have problems, no one comes running, worried. no one cries. no one cares. they only care when it’s convenient for them. and i don’t blame them. how can i expect anyone to care? i’m not worth it. better to just […]