i almost forgot to post.. been up trying to finish buster’s computer and i was pretty tired.. anyway.. played some silent hill, that game is twisted. i went into a room, and this guy with a huge red pyramid on his head was having a threesome with two of those things that are like two […]

was a little better. work was boring the crap outta me, but i could cencentrate a little more sense some of my worry was alleviated by talking to bobbi last night. she emailed me this morning and told me not to worry, that she views our friendship as highly as she does her best friend.. […]

at the prompting of floris i guess i should post a little update.

CJ was in a car wreck - totalled his parent’s new yorker. he was gonna just leave the car and “go play some garou” but the cops showed up. now whenever we are gonna do something i have to drive all the way […]

floris is right. this site is basically the only time the 3 or 4 of us ever talk anymore. so i’m-a gonna leave dis here thang up hoss.

if you don’t recoil in fear from this you have been seriously desensitized.. i swear i am afraid to go to sleep now from this pictures and the memory of when we saw the rerelease of this, and that scene that SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME.. cj you remember.

There’s a man who leads a life of danger
To every one he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
The odds are he won’t live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man
Secret agent man
He’s giving you a number and taking away your name
Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can […]

oh man did i call this or what. it’s really an odd thing, knowing what you’re doing is wrong and yet you continue to do it. i’m sure you can relate cj. anyway i’m sure all of this is for the best for you and joanna, all i ever did was drag you down with […]

confuse me. and i have so many thoughts on this subject i can barely keep them straight and conformed. what spurred this post is the conversation i just had with cj/joanna (i’m pretty sure they both were in on it, but who can tell anymore. since they’re not fighting today joanna’s defending him so they […]

i’m starting to feel pretty bad about everything. i need to come up with something to occupy my time so this doesn’t happen anymore. i’ve succeeded in destroying 2 very good friendships, and i wanted to, they both know why i wanted to, but now i am not absolutely sure that it was the best […]

it’s been days, or maybe weeks, since i’ve spoken to cj joanna floris mom dad sister brother aunt uncle cousin nephew neice. i feel truly alone in the world and it’s of my own doing. alas i cannot bear to speak to any of them, becuz they don’t say the things i want to hear […]

i feel like utter shit. i am not going to be talking to much of anyone for a while. i sincerely tried to resist this slump but people are assholes and i just want to die. i am hollow. i have nothing left. my heart is a billion miles away. i have nothing left to […]

since i have been sick all day, i spent some time cleaning up my mp3s and also copying over some Cds i got from a guy. the end result is here: mp3 playlist

well, i’m getting settled into my new place. the crazy lady next door keeps screaming, and banging on stuff, which scares me a little. i truly think one day she will try to kill me. aside from that things are cool, i’m typing this now on a dialup connection to my mom’s computer which is […]

1:00 AM. my head is filled with thoughts of love and happiness and how they’ve eluded me this final time as i drive home from seeing bobbi. i think about the past month, the past 6 months, and everything that has happened. the trip to holland. rediscovering bobbi and feelings thought to be lost long […]

very funny.. kudos to those responsible
FriendaCJ: you suck
FriendaCJ: haha floris’ coming back
FriendaCJ: and you can see him
FriendaCJ: when hell freezes over
DivaGaI25: when is floris coming back
FriendaCJ: nonyah
DivaGaI25: what the hell when tell me
FriendaCJ: why should i?
DivaGaI25: cause i want to know
FriendaCJ: You’d like another guy you need info about?
DivaGaI25: when is he coming home […]

i feel like i could do anything. i feel like i’m not below average, not an invalid. i feel like i have a long happy life ahead of me and i want to enjoy it. i’m not sure how much longer this feeling will last but it’s coming at a VERY good time. lots of […]

let’s play a game. we’ll just type every word that comes to mind, on a variety of subjects. first is what you’re feeling right now:
sleepy
sad
anxious
restless
regrettful
eager
longing
heartbroken
lonely
aimless
how about.. death?
curious
flippant
needed
blissful
answer
and girls?
mystery
tricky
mind games
vital
misleading
hurtful
evil
finally… family?
dysfunctional
unneccessary
complicating
mean
nasty
screwed up
unclean
unfit
good work.. you win.

you gotta check this out:
I’m a Cow

oh.. my.. GOD that movie was sweet. better than sweet. i think it may have knocked american psycho from it’s throne. or at least made him scoot over to make room. this was the coolest movie. thank you CJ for noticing it. glad to see you not having a job has at least amounted to […]

i wanted to call bobbi tonight, but cj was here til like 9:45 and my mom wouldn’t get off the fucking phone.i spent that time in agony thinking about how great i felt when i was with her thursday, how bad i felt when she left us friday, and how i wished i could just […]