Nothing is ever easy.

The past two days have been awful.

I woke up yesterday morning to a phone call from Jenn. Normally, that’s a good thing, and puts me in higher spirits for the rest of the day. This call, however, was to inform me that her mother had made a comment to her saying that she’d disown her if she married a “goy”, which pretty much ruined my day.

This came completely out of the blue. I was under the impression that her mom liked me. At the very least, I thought she didn’t hate me, and I was told very early in the relationship that me not being jewish wasn’t an issue. I guess she asked Jenn recently if I would ever convert, and she wasn’t happy that the answer was no.

So, later in the day, they got into an argument over the phone about it, and her mother basically threatened to cut her off financially. Jenn doesn’t have a job, and has to buy her own tools and materials for all of her classes, so this would mean she’d have to quit school.

I’m fucking heartbroken over this. I can’t afford to pick up the slack if her mom stops giving her money for food, supplies, rent, and everything else she helps Jenn with. I can’t live with the knowledge that she doesn’t speak to her mother anymore because of me. I’m angry that, despite how well I treat her, despite how much I do for her, I’ll never be good enough for her, simply because of something so incidental and arbitrary as religion.

I don’t understand it. First, I didn’t ask Jenn to marry me, or even hint at the idea. I don’t plan to think about marriage for a long, long time. I love Jenn, and I’d be happy if our relationship got to that point, but there’s absolutely no reason to start freaking out about this now. If it was a problem, it should have been brought up months ago. Second, Jenn’s father wasn’t jewish, so her mother clearly hasn’t always felt this way. If she’s holding that against me because of his mistakes, that’s pretty terrible. Third, I’m not a religious person at all. If she wanted to follow jewish traditions that pertain to weddings and having kids, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all, and I’ve never said otherwise.

If Jenn was more independent, I’d still have guilt issues over causing strain in their relationship, but I’d be more willing to encourage her to stand up to her mom’s ridiculousness. That’s not the case here, though. She needs her a lot more than she needs me.

Jenn doesn’t know what to do or say. Neither do I. I can’t talk to her mom directly. I can’t tell her what to say. She’s procrastinating, which is very frustrating to me.

As it stands, there are only two options. Her mom changes her mind and apologizes, which might happen, but I’ll always know that that’s how she thinks of me. I’d have to be the perfect boyfriend from now on, and even then, that would only elevate me to “tolerated” status. The other option is for us to break up. I don’t want that to happen. It would devastate Jenn. But if it comes down to a choice between dating me and finishing school…

I’m angry, confused and depressed. I can see her mom’s attitude causing us to break up, if not today, then at some point in the future, Irrational hatred is not something I can live with. I’m not strong enough or confident enough to stand up against that.

“Fuck my life” as they say.