Because I’m pennin’ the words that move millions
I’ve been on vacation for the past week and a half. Jenn’s been here with me since August 1st. I’m taking her back to Richmond Tuesday night, and not having her here is going to take some getting used to.
I have other things on my mind right now, though.
I found out one week ago that my grandmother has cirrhosis. I’m not really sure how to react. I was really close with my grandparents up until 3 years ago, give or take. I haven’t spoken to either of them since then, for reasons that don’t need to be discussed here. I’m just… angry at them for their behavior, and that’s a hard thing to carry around year after year.
I thought about this exact scenario many times. They’re both older, and have had their share of health problems. It was only logical to imagine that the time would come when one would have some serious illness, before any of the animosity had been resolved, and certain hard choices would have to be made.
The adult decision would be to put all that aside and spend time with her. It would be extremely selfish and petty to let that animosity keep me from seeing her. They both used to be a huge part of my life. I’ve missed them more than I can say.
But at the same time, I can’t ignore that anger. It’s there, and it’s legitimate. It won’t simply disappear just because I want it to. I’m terribly afraid that it’d come bubbling up during a visit and the situation would become explosive. I really, really don’t want that to happen.
And then I wonder how they feel about me specifically. I don’t think I could handle either of my grandparents turning on me. They left a comment on this site a long, long time ago, and it was kind, but who can say if that’s really the case? People say one thing and do another all the time. I’ve learned to never trust words, but to depend on observation of a person’s actions to determine their intent and trustworthiness. It remains a possibility, in my mind, that they might already be angry with me for my position in this.
I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to do anything, and I’m afraid to do nothing. The only thing I do know is that this is happening right now, and I’m spending my days on vacation, going to concerts and the beach and movies, and sitting around at home watching TV, and going out to dinner and out shopping and sleeping in, and my grandmother is suffering from a potentially life-threatening illness.
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Crystal
6 hours, 36 minutes later
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Mom
8 hours, 18 minutes later
I can assure you that your grandparents would welcome a visit from you with open arms. I have talked to them a couple of times and even talked for an hour when I found out about mom’s cirrhosis. They pretty much act like nothing has happened and no time has gone by. I miss my parents very much and hate the situation, but it is what it is. I don’t believe they ever imagined that you three would be affected by what happened. I’m sure they miss you all very much also. They have not changed in the slightest except grandpa is missing some teeth now. The only problem I have at this point is that I don’t know how they feel about Molly. I cannot take her around them because I don’t know how they would react to her. If they still blame her then I don’t feel my ‘family’ can participate in birthdays, holidays etc because I won’t make Molly feel bad about being left out. I have however continued to send birthday cards, christmas cards, called mom on her birthday and called her about a couple things that have happened. I want very much for things to go back the way they were but unfortunately an individual ’sort of’ relationship with them is about all I can have until they accept that Molly is part of me now. I really wish I knew how they felt about her at this point. You and your sisters can very easily resume your relationships with them, and I do wish that you would. I was thinking that the birth of Sandra’s baby might mend a few things and be a good excuse to go over with at least some of you. Mom is getting older now, and I don’t know yet how severe the cirrhosis is. She is having more tests the end of the month and promised to keep me informed. I’m sure that my brothers will not be a lot of help to them if she does get really sick and I know I will be right there for her, Molly or not. She is my mom and I love her regardless. I don’t harbor anger any more, just disappointment hurt feelings. I think you would feel better if you saw her, or even just called her on her birthday. Things may never be the same but resuming your relationship with them will not be as difficult as you may think. They love you and always did, I don’t think they really imagined that you guys would stick with me the way you did and I believe they are sorry for that and just don’t know how to fix it.
I’d go with you, if you went. I’m sure Sandra would too.
Her bday’s coming up in a week or two.. that might be a good time? idk.. I feel pretty much the same way you do. angry.. but sad at the same time because I want to fix it before.. you know.. anything happens. It’s been almost exactly three years, my 19th birthday, since I’ve seen either one of them.
But it might good for her heart to see three of her grandkids all grown up…. a lot’s changed and it might make her see what she’s missing out on.
oh.. and to make waffles out of pancake mix, just add a couple tablespoons of oil.