Fucking hell, am I stressed out. I’m almost manic.

This week is Thanksgiving. I have been tasked with procuring a vegetable tray. I need advice: do you normally purchase vegetable trays the day before, or the day of? I don’t want to roll up with wilted broccoli. Failing at such a trivial task would be unacceptable.

On Thanksgiving, many thoughts flow through my head. Of course, I miss the whole extended family thing, but that pain is getting duller. I try to think about what I’m thankful for, which is actually a pretty long list. And, perhaps most importantly of all, I remember Mitch Hedberg:

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, “Man, just be yourself.” I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. “That turkey was in an accident!”

You are truly missed.

I’ll be in Florida next Monday through Wednesday. Oh what fun that will be. Immediately thereafter I have to start training up to do battle against a somewhat monolithic competitor’s IT department; just me versus their 18,500 employees. Should be fun. It’s a good thing I’m laden with self-esteem and confidence. This will be a breeze.