The issues with the specific machine this site is hosted on have still not been resolved, so I’m supposedly getting moved to another, functional server. Goodbye, twizzler. You were good to me for a time. I feel like I hardly got to know ye.

Anyway, I had a weird couple of days. I was attacked on more than one occasion for being flippant about my depression, and spent many hours explaining myself to seemingly deaf ears. I think it’s hard to understand without having experienced it. Any explanation sounds like excuses, apathy… which is probably an accurate assessment, but fuck, it’s more than that. I don’t know.

I also realized that absolutely no good is coming of the extra hours I put in at work. I already knew that no extra financial compensation or comp time would be forthcoming, but I thought that the extra effort would at least be noticed by the users, or those asking for the additions and new applications… Maybe, at the very least, it would make a dent in my to-do list so I’d at least feel better about my progress. But it hasn’t. For each feature I knock out, 5 more are added, bugs are introduced, things have to be redone because apparently english is a third or fourth language for these people so they don’t know how to use the correct words or concepts to explain what they want… I work 45-50 hours a week at least now. At one point I was working 60+. I’m still fucking drowning. I’m resigning to that fate, and sticking as close to 40 hours as possible. It’s just not worth it.

Now I’ll have plenty of time to sit around and dwell on my horrible life. Hooray!