I’m not sure what I’m doing. Spilling my blood here is frustrating these days. As I type these entries, a very loud “Blah blah blah” echoes in my head. Some part of me knows these things don’t really serve a purpose anymore… The end result is always jumbled and barely coherent.

I… am tired of certain things. It’s been bugging me for quite some time how one-sided the whole thing is.. I’m not really seeing the effort and care being reciprocated. I don’t think it’s being done consciously or maliciously, but I need to adjust my behavior.

But then part of me wonders if I’m just looking for an excuse to receed from life further… Another reason to push someone away. I second guess everything these days.. At least I’m honest about it, I guess. But the two things feel the same to me; ending something dysfunctional and giving myself an excuse to indulge certain bad habits. There’s no distinction now. There was once before.

Either way… everyone is better off having as little contact with me as possible, so I guess the means to that end don’t really matter.