There are no words to define this situation.
I am extremely angry.
Today’s been quite the roller coaster. I woke up feeling like shit. I tried to avoid sleep, but I’m weak. So after another round of terrifyingly vivid dreams, I woke up feeling shitty about life. I had a very nice conversation with Jamie’s mom that […]

I seriously just need to stop sleeping altogether.
I’m not going to go into detail. This medication has seriously altered my dreams. They take place is real settings, with real people, and real situations now, instead of the rapidly evolving, barely making any sense dreams I’ve grown to love.
Another big, big change is tactile sensation. When […]

I haven’t tried to call her. I’ve kept myself busy and around other people to distract myself from all of this crap. It’s hard to forget that the biggest part of your life is now over.
It didn’t have to be this way. I agree that she needed to leave… But it wasn’t supposed to happen […]

Up until today she said she loved me and that we could be together again when she got her head on straight. Yet, just now, she came in after being gone all day, today, our last day together before she moved to her mom’s, gone all day, and just left without talking to me. She […]

Since Jamie decided to move back to her mom’s, she’s made every effort to be away from me as much as possible and denies doing it. I can understand why she’d want to… I obviously suck and am the cause for all of her problems. But the problem I have is that she denies doing […]

Yep.

Everything is in turmoil right now.
Jamie is moving home. She tells me that she could come back here when she figures things out, but I know that’s not going to happen. It’s out of my hands now. I love her, so I’m sure I’ll go up and see her as often as possible, but our […]

I just had the worst dream I’ve ever had.
I’m not sure if I worked in some kind of vet’s office or what, but there was a room full of animals… mostly cats and dogs, some very young… and 2 nondescript women from work were there too. The room seemed to me like it was upstairs […]

Title says it all.

The day trip to see Jamie’s family went well. I felt pretty weird about going, since it’s an activity that a couple would undertake, but it was a very enjoyable day.
When I first agreed to go there with Jamie and talk to her mom, I was under the impression that she was finally waking up […]

The reason my life sucks: I’m a shitty person.
Now, let me qualify that statement.
I’m not evil, selfish or abusive. I don’t steal from people, I don’t screw people over. I don’t lie. I don’t use people. I’m generally a caring and honest person, although I can be cold sometimes. I’m very loving and generous.
All of […]

I mean, it feels like there are a thousand things in my head that need to get out, but I’m having trouble finding a starting point.
My life feels out of control and pointless, like a firework with a faulty fuse or the wrong mix of explosives. Every day of my life, I feel like I’m […]

…things start to look up.
Money problems? Here’s some money you didn’t really count on getting right now. Roommate search not going well? Here’s a good friend who’s suddenly interested in the room.
Did anyone ever see that episode of Seinfeld where everything kept balancing out for Jerry?