I’ve adjusted to the medication. It no longer does anything for me, aside from make me nauseas 24 hours a day.
I have money problems. Big money problems. I hate money problems. I need to find a roommate. I need to take care of the landscaping issues. I need to do a thousand things.
Every decision I […]

My birthday closes on a low, low note. I shouldn’t have come home.
Once again, people don’t seem to be able to differentiate between these two concepts:
1. Your life
2. How you affect my life
This website is mine. This blog is here for me to use as a release, a venting mechanism. Something bothers me, I write […]

Today, I am 24 years old.
I expected to be in a wholely different situation on my birthday this year. Long term relationship with a girl I was in love with, nice house, good job. Things were mostly right. Unfortunately, I put my happiness in the hands of several people who are incapable of putting anyone […]

Today is my first day on zoloft. I have to say, I do feel differently.. But I felt the beginnings of an attitude change before. I’m not sure if the meds had anything to do with it or not, but I definitely do feel a physical effect.
Still seeing Jamie. It calms me, keeps me from […]

I’m officially broken.

I’m obviously not a strong enough person to deal with this stuff.
I was fine yesterday… Anger and distractions helped with that. But I still kept waiting for a phone call from her… I still hoped that I would see her that night.
Today, she describes her weekend… Talking about sleeping with him… How much she wishes […]

My weekend was spent trying to distract myself from thinking about Jamie being in Florida and lying to me yet again.
Friday, I had my second psych appointment.. I told her what had happened Thursday, talked a bit about work, family, my childhood, etc. I talked a lot about my social anxiety, and at the end […]

A picture from the beginning; I miss those days so fucking much.

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
‘Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss […]

She never gave a shit about me. I can see that now. Every loving smile, every tender kiss, every intimate moment was fake. Every single “I love you” was pure bullshit.
How do I know? How can I possibly know?
Because when you love someone, you just can’t willfully destroy their hearts. The things she said to […]

She did it to me again. I told her that if she lied again, we were through. Totally and completely through.
She tells me earlier this week that she and Lindsey have to go on a road trip, just like old times. It bothered me a bit that this would be weekend #3 that she’d be […]

My first psychiatrist visit went well. I wasn’t really very nervous, but I expected to be. I guess it’s because I don’t really need to be anxious or paranoid when it comes to her. Her job is to listen, she’s there to help, not ridicule or persecute. I guess that’s why I could open up […]

Even the best of intentions are ignored, and I fuck everything up. I suck at life.
I’m sorry, Jamie.

J Quistis: what would jr like for his bday?
jrisadork: a new life
jrisadork: or a time machine
jrisadork: cyanide?
jrisadork: a reset button
jrisadork: friends
jrisadork: some kind of pill that will let me forget jamie
jrisadork: a new stomach lining
jrisadork: a new brain
jrisadork: a little bit of evilness in my personality
jrisadork: a strong pimp hand
jrisadork: new couches
jrisadork: a gym membership
jrisadork: […]

People seem to be very good at missing out on the important things in any given situation.

I’ve been doing the wrong thing lately, and loving it.

Life has been surreal lately.
I’ve had a lot of people show concern. I’ve gotten a lot of calls, instant messages, emails and face to face comments from people who want me to know that they’re here for me. I appreciate it all, I really do. It’s nice to see that when things get really, really […]

Today was the worst day of my life.

Yet another lie from Jamie

The last week has been horrible.

This is getting to be a bit too much.