i’m not belittling your experiences in vietnam. but to me, being imprisoned in a cage is an easier evil to battle. you know who put you there, you know who is keeping you there. my troubles are all internal, mostly self inflicted,… they may not be as terrible in the eyes of others, but they are just as devistating, maybe moreso. physical pain is easier to deal with. unjust imprisonment gives you a greatly amplified sense of hope that keeps you going. but as i said in my last comment, it is a personal pain, that no one else has to deal with in quite the same way. similarly no one can grow from it in the same way. not having experienced it, i can’t exactly learn from it, and that’s the kind of thing you have to experience yourself to understand.

and i know that confidence is important. but confidence doesn’t just pop out of thin air. you have to think that there’s something about you that you can be confident in. people have exxa\\aggerated views of my intelligence, talent, ability. i put on a show for most people and put on nothing for others. i havent fully figured out some of myself, but i’;m working on it, and in the process, i’m killing myself.