no offense btw about the always being depressed thing.. it just seems that way sometimes.

u place too much praise on too few individual people… or too many.. either way it creates a roller coaster of highs and lows where your great when u get attention from your praised persons, and feel like dirt when u dont…. maybe u should try to find a middle/alternate way, bobbi is also just human just like everyone else, she has her flaws and her good points, just like u and me.. why raise someone higher than u? it only creates an uncomfortable situation for both, and usually seems to end in well tradgidy… (eg. cj and joanna, me and ginger etc.)

i can understand the confusion there a little…

but contrary to what it may have seemed like cj still put a lot of praise into joanna… the way he treated her may not have always reflected this, but i think this was more of a frustration that came out of the way he was feeling treated back.. which is exactly what im talking about.. in the beginning of their relationship everything went fine.. cj had raised joanna on a slightly higher podium than others.. and so joanna was fine with this… however (and this is the big flaw with relationships like this as i know very well myself) he began to realize that he wasnt really getting back what he was putting in… he was giving all this effort, and not really getting anything back for it.. this can be quite frustrating.. u begin to question if the person thats says they love u actually means it… me and cj in this sense had very simular scenarios.. u begin looking more critically, and ofcourse u get upset when they dont seem to show any care for u… cj just happened to show this more openly toward joanna.

and now there is a big hole in his life.. this thing that was so important, and took up so much of his daily time/thought is now gone.. u loose your regime, and feel lost.. it takes a while to get balanced again… and for quite some time u will be hesitant to even raise others to a level of importance equal to your own.. i for instance still have trouble giving things any importance at all.. its a sort of self defense mechanism.. but its not exactly good for your social situation.. i happen to pull through because i dont care much either way… and i enjoy it.. if i dont, then i leave… i wont stay with a person out of formality really. it may be a little selfish but those are seemingly the after effects of such a situation… i think cj will probably enter a simular stage soon… unless something drastically changes, or maybe because of me saying this different things happens…

either way, im just warning u about this… yes the time afterwards is very emancipating.. and maybe (as with almost all life lessons) the only way to learn it is to experience it… i have a lot more to go i figure… but ill just pass on how far ive gotten.. maybe your already way ahead of me… i dont know.. this is where i am this is what i think