Upstanding, selfless, gentle. To all those girls out there who like nice guys, you’re the perfect man. To everyone else, you’re an amusing dweeb. Therefore, you are probably single.

Let us let you in on a little secret–you might have problems now, but once you get older and girls have grown tired of jerks and gigolos, you’ll be a hot ticket. Take solace in this fact, if you haven’t already found your pink princess. Either way, you need to get more practice in the sack, or your special someone will leave you for the pizza-boy.

You’re a guy who’s not afraid of commitment or self-sacrifice, but don’t let people walk all over you. Hang on to yourself. It’s quite possible you’ll lose your heart to someone more selfish–she’ll take and take and take, and one day you’ll find all that’s left is your skeleton and a few toenails.