are bleak today. i realize bobbi has no feelings whatsoever for me and never will. i should have realized this long ago since she more or less told me that. but i held out hope, and even entertained the thought that something might happen, becuz on the nights we went out, becuz i was so happy, just to be with her. and things went well. but i know now that i was feeding myself false hope. i was taking small things and making them much more significant than they actually were. she is not attracted to me, she has no feelings for me beyond friendship and i have to accept it. i feel so justin-ish. and to make matters worse, my own father doesn’t want us to come see him on father’s day. serves him right tho, after all the shit he missed during my/our childhood. life is so fucked up. please just kill me.