living is easy with eyes closed..
misunderstanding all you see..
it’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out..
it doesn’t matter much to me

dying. say your goodbyes.

well, i’m getting settled into my new place. the crazy lady next door keeps screaming, and banging on stuff, which scares me a little. i truly think one day she will try to kill me. aside from that things are cool, i’m typing this now on a dialup connection to my mom’s computer which is […]

went a little too far with the <bleep>…

run away kiddies, run like the wind so you don’t get caught in the fallout. critical mass is nearing. need more motivation? i hate all of you secretly. i despise all of your most miniscule shortcomings and i secretly deride you for each. all i have ever said or done that was helpful to you […]

1:00 AM. my head is filled with thoughts of love and happiness and how they’ve eluded me this final time as i drive home from seeing bobbi. i think about the past month, the past 6 months, and everything that has happened. the trip to holland. rediscovering bobbi and feelings thought to be lost long […]

are bleak today. i realize bobbi has no feelings whatsoever for me and never will. i should have realized this long ago since she more or less told me that. but i held out hope, and even entertained the thought that something might happen, becuz on the nights we went out, becuz i was so […]

tomorrow (friday) i’ll be moving, so i won’t be around. plus my dsl won’t be activated for 2 weeks so i won’t be online very often.. it sux. leave me messages and whatnot. people who matter have my work address so please mail me there. wish me luck.

very funny.. kudos to those responsible
FriendaCJ: you suck
FriendaCJ: haha floris’ coming back
FriendaCJ: and you can see him
FriendaCJ: when hell freezes over
DivaGaI25: when is floris coming back
FriendaCJ: nonyah
DivaGaI25: what the hell when tell me
FriendaCJ: why should i?
DivaGaI25: cause i want to know
FriendaCJ: You’d like another guy you need info about?
DivaGaI25: when is he coming home […]

i feel like i could do anything. i feel like i’m not below average, not an invalid. i feel like i have a long happy life ahead of me and i want to enjoy it. i’m not sure how much longer this feeling will last but it’s coming at a VERY good time. lots of […]

let’s play a game. we’ll just type every word that comes to mind, on a variety of subjects. first is what you’re feeling right now:
sleepy
sad
anxious
restless
regrettful
eager
longing
heartbroken
lonely
aimless
how about.. death?
curious
flippant
needed
blissful
answer
and girls?
mystery
tricky
mind games
vital
misleading
hurtful
evil
finally… family?
dysfunctional
unneccessary
complicating
mean
nasty
screwed up
unclean
unfit
good work.. you win.

you gotta check this out:
I’m a Cow

oh.. my.. GOD that movie was sweet. better than sweet. i think it may have knocked american psycho from it’s throne. or at least made him scoot over to make room. this was the coolest movie. thank you CJ for noticing it. glad to see you not having a job has at least amounted to […]

i wanted to call bobbi tonight, but cj was here til like 9:45 and my mom wouldn’t get off the fucking phone.i spent that time in agony thinking about how great i felt when i was with her thursday, how bad i felt when she left us friday, and how i wished i could just […]

i had a dream the other day where i was cooking hamburgers on a small charcoal grill in my room and also swiss cheese slices, except i would put the swiss cheese on the grill first then put the frozen hamburger on top of that. the cheese wouldn’t cook, and i ate a piece of […]

well, it’s official. i’m moving out in 2 weeks to cherokee apartments. woohoo!!