things i’ve decided tonight

since people have lost interest, or have been tricked, i feel safe in posting more relevant topics.

  • for the next month (possibly shorter) i will not go out anywhere aside from work and lunch, and of course this weekend with bobbi.
  • also, i am not going to be talking to anyone on the phone or online. i’ll probably read whatever you send, but there will be no responses. if you call, unless you’re bobbi, i will either not pick up or hang up quickly.
  • i am a burden on others, and they are visibly sick of me. people lie right to my face out of some moral obligation to help those who are “having difficulties” but this is contradictory to their true wishes. nothing in this life is worth living for; nothing compels me to stay. the very few things that could possibly, are tainted, or are very unlikely to happen, or only happen to a limited extent. so what’s the point? so i can continue to wait for the big joys in life? so i can sit on the edge of my seat and turn a blind eye to all the wrongs and failings of the world?
  • i want the 4 or 5 people that matter to me to give up. i want to inundate them with so much death talk and suicidal tendencies and worry that they will become overwhelmed and write me off. i can see it happening now with cj and joanna. it gets old, and i really can’t blame them. i’m hopeless, a lost cause. i want you all to just throw up your hands, defeated, so i can do this with a clear conscience.
  1. Gravatar Floris Leenders 8 hours, 44 minutes later

    since when does giving up make anything better?

  2. Gravatar JR Smith 9 hours, 8 minutes later

    not having to deal with anything anymore sure sounds better.

  3. Gravatar CJ West 10 hours, 32 minutes later

    Yeah but it doesn’t make it better, it wasn;t a probably of you coming over last night. You see JR you make yourself out to be a burden in your own mind. You knew meghan but you decided to sit and wait for us at the front door. That alienates you from us, True it gets old after a while, but I’m being honest with you. We are still friends I have to help you out with your problems or else I wouldn’t be called friends, if you were a burden to me I’d still wouldn’t write you off. What you are waiting for is just a fantasy, the big joys in life doesn;t always fall in your lap you have to work for it sometimes. Just like you helping people with there computers at work you, it showed your talent and got you a promoted, hence lots of money with your slack job-joy of life- Anyway. Yesterday I wasn’t in the mood to do anything really, but you wanted to so I tried to accomodate you and joanna, she wanted to go to the beach you said it was to wet you wanted to see a movie she didn;t wanna waste her ticket, so I figured hey go rent one. Just you have to understand something, what you put out in most cases you will recieve back, I tried to talk to you last night but didn’t get much of a response on each occasion so I gradually stopped and fell asleep, that doesn;t mean your a burden. And about defeat you know that I can speak floris on this, we rarely give up, if so only for a moment. You know we will not give up on you, you just have to have patience and have a lil optimism

  4. Gravatar Floris Leenders 22 hours, 4 minutes later

    jr your problem in this line “so i can continue to wait for the big joys in life?”

    like cj said.. above, those joys dont happen upon u.. if u sit around and wait, yeah chances are bad stuff will happen.. life is not something that happens all by itself.. its not predestined. it becomes what u make of it. if u dont do anything to try to improve your situation, chances are it wont improve, true it may happen, but unlikely..

    u told me once that u got where u are today simply because the stuff happened upon u.. if thats the case, then consider yourself a very lucky person.. possibly this made u soft, heh and now your having to face the reality of fending for yourself.. i dont know.. u are quite capable of taking care of yourself and having a great life, u just dont seem to want to take the first step, which is trying to make it happen..

    we arnt going to give up on u because of this, we still want to help u out, your our friend.. and yeah, we dont easily give up on something..

  5. Gravatar Floris Leenders 22 hours, 43 minutes later

    i think we may have to resort to plan b here..
    heh showing him a bunch of lifetime movies about “hope” and “never giving up”… haha

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