try lithium.. haha.. i dont know if it actually stops depression, but it definaitly makes u dosile and acceptant of everything, as well as relaxed (in a way i guess).. hehe but i dont think that thats really a good thing.. so on second thought stay away from it.. marijuana is probably a better alternative (and safer).

i am repulsed by the idea of smoking. smoking anything. it disgusts me. maybe i should become addicted to extasy or acid.

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i dont agree.. but thats just my opinion.

im not sure how to explain that really..
but i can assure u cj has been acting quite well agrressive lately.. i dont know why.. maybe my abscence.. maybe not having gsa anymore(creating an ever diminishing circle of friends), maybe joanna leaving for school. i dont know.. but he hasnt really been himself lately..

im not really sure whats gotten into him, but jr dont take it all too personally, i know its hard. i think this is just one strange situation.. hopefully something we can all leave behind one day.

i fear jealousy has got the better of cj

<censored>

i would like to make a statement:

i have possibly made a grave error in posting the above statement, and would prefer to apologive to cj for posting our chat.

i at the time (and still) saw no harm in making that statement, however it seems to have angered him severely.. i will not however retract the statement, for various reasons. (cj.. i know u probably wont understand and will probably be pissed off).

cj u are consumed by jealousy. and now that its me that has done the “crime” very simular to the one u accused jr of, im afraid u will be left with but two choices. one leave me as your friend for joanna, or realise your fault. considering your stubborness i will have to brace for the worst, which believe me saddens me.. the point is when jr did this u had a motive, not a solid one but one none the less, that jr was trying to break u two up to get closer to joanna. however this does not apply to me, i care neither to break u two up, or to hurt either of u in anyway.
what i have done here will probably to u (cj) seem the worst i have done, possibly it is, but the truth is, like jr, i jsut want all this behind the back crap to stop.. so to hopefully solve this im bringing everywhing out in the open, not everything, but its a step.. u could say testing the waters. and obviously its not going over well.

cj i want u to know my intention is not to hurt u, and i am sorry if it does. however like u said, u have changed, and in my opinion not for the better. i will always consider u my best friend, what u consider me is your decision. however i find it quite strange that u would give up your two best friends for someone u consecutively say u hate and break up with (im saying this knowing its not sensitive information considering that joanna is very aware of what u said).

im asking u to take a step back and realize what u are doing.. u are slashing a sword at things in the dark, look for the light and find out what it is u are really killing.

as i said before what i said up there was not intended to do anyone any harm, as i state above the chat, its to provide oformation on how much u have changed, and i fear its doing that far more than i could have ever realized.

im not saying that u should give up joanna, not at all, its obvious u truly want to be with her, i think youve made that more than clear, and ive realized this from the start. which is why i think u should stop doing things behind her back. u are going to say that i broke your trust because i posted this, thus giving u a reason to end our friendship, however consider how u yourself are breaking her trust, if u really care for her should u being this at all. had u not done this, there would be nothing for her to get mad about. i know i have said that before, u are going to reply by saying that if i hadnt have posted it she wouldnt have been mad. but that doesnt change the fact that u broke her trust. if your reply this to this would be that she already knew that u were checking her mail so it wouldnt be breaking her trust than, there is nothing for her to get mad about, considering that the qoute from her email contains no sensitive information about herself.

yes cj i wish to reconcile, but i cant talk to u or get along with u when u are like this. i know u dont give in, but i think u also know that i dont. we both think we are justified in our actions, (i can admit it may have been wrong to post our chat only for the sole reason that it was a chat between us and nothing more, but not for its content) however i ask of u to look at yourself, look around u, see and understand what u are doing. and then continue, true i know its not how u always work, but im asking it of u as a last request from your friend, while i still am that.

deleted the chat floris posted.