Untitled Post #3
i’m convinced that my dreams are actually an alternate world where i am great and others are looked down upon. i want to live there. how can i go about accomplishing this? what would be, something like, an eternal sleep? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM i’m cold. and i am getting goose bumps. i miss my friends so much, but none of them want to see me anymore. i think they are either afraid of how i’ve been behaving lately or they just don’t care. prolly the latter. swing low, sweet charioott.. comin for to carry me home.
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Floris Leenders
1 hour, 12 minutes later
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Floris Leenders
1 hour, 40 minutes later
ok going to try something here, im gonna be postng ouur chats jr, hopefully it wont change the future content of them, due to it being known that they will become public. however it seemed to me to be the best way to keep an accurate record of the days happenings, true it may in some ways reflect what has already been said.. anyways u already know this, it might also be good if u do this yourself, but lets just say im getting the ball rolling. im gonna post it in straight code it should come out best in that manner.. i hope, at least to the truest.. the only thing i might occasionally change is the background colors, due to that fact that it seems most browsers dont read those text background thingies that aim does, where lets say different people have different text backgrounds.. either way, here goes.
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Floris Leenders
2 hours, 32 minutes later
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Anonymous User
5 days, 19 hours later
J.R.
At some time in everyone’s life they get to a point that they want to do away with the problems in their life. When things are bad and you don’t know how to make them better, or they overwhelm you, you tend to act out strange things in your dreams. They do seem better than real life, because they are NOT real, life is real. Myself, I would rather live in a dream world also. Whenever I get like you are right now, and I have several times throughout my life, I write in a journal and sleep a lot. I dream at night and fantasize during the day. I have thought of suicide and felt nearly everything you are feeling right now. Life has its ups and downs, right now you are down. I have tried everything to get out of the “rut” you are in, but I am here to tell you that the only thing that heals is time and other people. I have been to a psychiatrist, I have been medicated, but the only thing that really helped was the resolution of problems, which takes time, and other people which takes effort on your part. You need to force yourself out, make new friends, go to the beach, go to church, go to some sort of event at portside or waterside, something, anything. Talk to your family, hang out with them as much as you can stand it. Take things into your own hands, don’t keep relying on other people for your happiness, they will always let you down. That is much easier said than done, and I still tend to make mistakes, one after the other, I get depressed still and have crazy dreams. Just SundayI thought of driving over a bridge, but I thought better of it, because someone else was making me miserable, why should I get rid of myself and give them the satisfaction. You are a good man, you are cute as hell. Life is worth living, you are too young to give up. Who knows how long this will last, but there is always a plan, and when we’re in the middle of it, we don’t see it, we just react. When it is over you will say “oh yea, i see why that happened.” Chin up, take it from someone who’s life sucks worse than yours, it will be okay intime.
a friend -
Anonymous User
6 months, 1 week later
it really cant be that bad, i mean life? it cant be that bad.ive seen you at your worst and youve always prevailed, so never look back
well my monitor is now officially fried.. and this crap monitor that im using now wont cut it… uhh wait.. .. response.. oh yeah.. its kinda hard to read the text..(read: cant read it without that magnifying thing that comes with windows for handicapped/vision impaired people) damn monitor.. im just hoping what i type here comes alright.. and cant quite see it.. i just see little gray lines getting longer.. ugh.. dont feel like readint it over..
but hey jr.. well i dont really know what to say.. dont quite know what your going through.. i dont really know why they arnt talking to u.. but i can tell u what i do know.. bobbi this week was very busy.. (i talked to her uhh last night or the night before cant distinguish.. after u went to sleep/left/whatver) she was concerned about u.. however i dont think she realizes the extent of how your feeling.. (in relation to the depression.) u may want to consider emailing her and just let her know whats been going on, however take it easy on the seeing things category.. its quite possible that she may think that u are just joking around with this.. so telling her sort of looses the seriousness.. i dont know if that makes sense. either way, she still wants to know whats going on with u.
joanna i know nothing about.. i have no real idea why she stopped talking to u.. curiously though she has started a few odd (as in occasional) conversations with me in the past week, possibly because shes not talking to u.. i dont know.. i dont have much to talk to her about and generally find someway out of it.. it may seem harsh yes.. but i just dont see the conversation going anywhere.. possibly try talking to her.. however.. be warned.. ill refer further to this in the cj section coming below..
as far as cj is concerened i got the idea he has really been striving for attention as of late.. he has been asking all kinds of things from me. he almost seems jealous (cross ‘almost seems’.. make that ‘is’) when he finds that i am writing someone an email.. and asks why i never write him any.. for which the obvious answer is that i talk to him all the time. im considering writing him one today.. for the hell of it.. and cause i havent talked to him.. hmm either way.. i think he is experiencing something simular to u.. friends appearing to be leaving.. hes obviously upset because of joanna leaving, and apparently they havent been talking as much as usual (this is just speculation decoded from various things cj has said the last week) anyways.. so basically cj feels that no one wants to talk to him either.. and this ofcourse upsets him.. he refuses to talk to u because it seems that he understood that u didnt want to talk to him.. which brings that to a sort of stalemate.. and i doubt his pride would allow him to break that. he seemed upset that u would talk to both bobbi and joanna but not him.. im not sure hes informed to the fact that youve hardly been talking to either. anyways, i figure somebody needs to break this whole thing up and get something moving here. and considering no one else seems to be doing anything im gonna take a shot at it. i suggest maybe starting up casual conversation with cj (im not really sure why u stopped talking to him, but i assume the same or near the same reasons that he gave me) i will try to coax cj to do the same although i doubt that he will overstep his pride in such a manner, but its worth a shot.. lets just hope he doesnt stand by it (his pride) so much that he will refuse to talk to u altogether when u msg/attempt to make conv..
from here im not really sure what else i can do.. but i do feel that something must be done, it seems the curse of the core has taken its tole and possibly struck double this time around.
anyways good luck.. i hope things improve.. times can be rough without companionship, especially when we are brought up in a world where we are forced to rely on one another.