so one day, i just decided to do it. i picked up a used gun from the net, it was easier than you might think. i couldn’t quite decide when though. i thought the shock of me running through the house and the POW was appealing but so was imagining them finding the body, days later, stiff from rigor mortis and smelling quite bad. so one friday, after a particularly bad day at work, i came home at lunch, checked my email, sent out the goodbye letters i had written beforehand, and gripped the pistol. it didn’t happen automatically, as i had expected: apparently when i shoved the gun into my mouth i was somewhat at an angle so i’m guessing i only blew off the bottom rear portion of my brain and a little of the spinal cord. at least it didn’t hurt.. i lay there for several minutes, or several seconds, it was kind of hard to tell, bleeding and making gasping noises. my last thoughts were whether or not my sister had skipped school, and wondering if she had heard the shot. i didn’t want HER to find me.. not this soon, and not HER. things begin to dim, the gurgling slowed, and i drift off, with an immense sense of relief washing over me..