i had an epiphany of sorts tonight. the past few days i have been thinking alot about how cj has acted while floris has been gone and how he is now acting when floris is here, and tonight floris said something that made me realize that i have been just a stand-in friend, a placeholder for floris. see, we had gone to joanna’s dad’s to watch scary movie, and while there floris and some other kid showed up… cj had been mad cuz joanna didn’t sit with him on the recliner instead she sat on the opposite end of the couch from me. he got all pissy when she touched me for some reason and left, then in the sparse discussion that followed floris said that cj didnt consider me to be a friend anymore and hadn’t for several months. i then began to think about the behavior changes i had noticed and i remembered he had said about jady sarah and all those people that he didn;t need them anymore since floris was back. i realize now the same applies to me. this fucks shit up. i now am seriously reconsidering going to holland with them, one not being my friend and the other loyal to him. i also now have no friends whatsoever, except joanna, whom i have only seen once outside the presence of cj which was tonight. and it’s not like i’d be able to see her if i’m at odds with cj since they will be going out again soon. so i’m screwed either way. and i’m out 500$